Looking back at your 2008, on which side of his list would you fall – naughty or nice? Forgiving all the red lights you ran, the few curse words you uttered, the twelve items instead of ten you ushered through the express checkout lane…were you good enough to warrant a little somethin’ under the Christmas tree?

Assuming the answer is a resounding yes, what would you ask your modern day Santa to bring you? World peace, a cure for cancer, a Porsche, Guitar Hero, George Clooney?

What about the man who would bring you all these goodies? What qualities would he possess? What would he look like? How would he spend his free time? I think I have a pretty good idea, because well, I think I met him. More on that later though, for now let us construct our perfect Santa.

It goes without saying he would be generous and warm-hearted. The kind of man who, on a busy Saturday at the Long Beach Marketplace, would hold up the line to spend an extra few precious minutes with a special needs child.

He would be loyal and true. The kind of man who despite offers to work at bigger, more famous malls comes back year after year (fifteen to be exact), to work outside, sometimes in the rain, for less pay because, “The Marketplace is my home and the kids who come through there are my legacy,” our perfect Santa would proclaim.

Undoubtedly Santa should be jolly, but in this day and age it’s equally important that he’s entertaining; sings, dances, tells a joke or two, maybe even someone who in his younger days tried his hand at being a comedian, appearing on the original “Gong Show”.

Not only would our Santa live in Long Beach, he would’ve most likely graduated from our very own Wilson High School. This is paradise after all – a big city with a small town feel. Similar to the North Pole, I imagine, before global warming began wreaking havoc. No worries though, even without global warming Santa would’ve made Long Beach his year-round home. Much like the spirit of Christmas, this city is a gift that keeps on giving.

I don’t know about you, but I’m torn on what Santa should look like. I’ve always liked the idea that Santa takes on the form of whomever’s house he’s gifting with toys and such. In other words, sometimes he’s black, white, Asian, Latino depending on the ‘hood he’s visiting. Santa does belong to everyone after all – an equal opportunity giver as it were.

Regardless of his race, I think we can all agree he would have to have a bit of belly, no pillow stuffing for our modern day Santa. Regardless of the shape or the color of his eyes, they would sparkle, with a hint of mischief and wonder in them.

It gets a little tricky when it comes to the beard. Real is always better than fake, but who wants to be saddled with a long, thick white beard at the height of summer in Southern California? So, our modern day Santa will sport the glued on variety, though it would be tended to by a hairstylist who will refresh the curly ringlets he’d be partial to wearing. Personally, the curlique beard is too cutesy for my taste, but I admire the desire to want to stand out from the crowd. Mr. Claus is nothing if not a fellow to be admired.

Go with me on this next one—our Santa would’ve been raised a reformed Jew. Hey, this is America where anything is possible. After all, “Santa Claus is a cultural icon, not a religious one,” our Kris Kringle would be fond of saying.

Look – his religion doesn’t matter, what matters is that he loves all kids equally. Even the bad ones. Apparently there’s a truck load of them, usually seven to eight-year-olds who like to pull on his beard, or scream out in front of a large crowd that Santa isn’t real.

What would good ol’ St. Nick do in such a situation? Relying on the years he spent doing improvisation, he’s prepared for almost any question and circumstance. He would politely respond, “I’m as real as you are.” With that settled, he’ll begin to act out “The Night Before Christmas” and all would be right with holiday season once again.

It’s no big surprise that from Thanksgiving to Christmas, Santa is in high demand. Between the picture taking at the Marketplace, private family functions, corporate holiday parties where sometimes Kosher Claus or Naughty St. Nick makes an appearance, Santa can easily find himself the honored guest at over one hundred holiday events.

What happens though when the hubbub of the season is over? How does our Santa busy himself then? Maybe he becomes the largest wedding officiate in Southern California (having no way to verify such a claim, I’m just going to take the big guy’s word for it). It makes perfect sense actually. Christmas is the happiest day for kids, as is one’s wedding day for most adults. Our Santa would long to share in the joy of both. So much so that his little wedding chapel in the Breakers Building on Ocean Blvd. is often humming with love birds of all religions, faiths, and circumstances. One recent Saturday found Santa, in full regalia, marrying a couple before the groom shipped off to Iraq.

There—I think we did it. I think we created the perfect Santa, and I’m more convinced than ever that I have met this loving and kind man. His name is Alan Katz and he believes that dressing up as Santa every year is a calling.

“It’s what I was put on this earth to do,” he says without a hint of irony. “Santa is a sacred thing to me.” As it should be. Santa is that rare icon who can warm the heart of even the most cynical amongst us.

I asked Katz what makes a good Santa and without hesitation he replied, “Knowing what makes kids tick, knowing how to make them laugh, and never, ever breaking character.” Sage advice for all of those Santa wannabes out there. Be forewarned though, Katz has no plans to retire. In fact, “I plan on being Santa til the day I die,” he offers up. Just the thing I’d expect our perfect Santa to say.

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Every Saturday and Sunday, 12 – 4 p.m.
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